Devil in the Pot

ittle is sacred and few are safe with the Devil in the Pot who will lead you to the meaning behind words in a small town, where they sit between bosom and bum as those who swill, will.

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An Abstention: Noun Nefarious: (a) a pretext to hide one’s position, and protect one’s reputation, by abstaining from a vote, pretending an “I am not sure” while in full throttle forward in opposition to a popular measure; (b) a ploy, and a circumlocution, used in political circles when one supports certain nefarious interests against the popular will in a cowardice unmatched since Adam first begged off sin by blaming Eve, and the ploy’s effectiveness was proven as the world took up the cry.

Also known as the Brammer Maneuver, named after a 21st century elected official who ployed and plotted piratically in his try to become Mayor pro tem while on his way, it was suggested, to the Mayorality itself; as in, for example, clearly announcing his opposition to placing a very popular Farmers’ Market at the gateway to a City in favor of hiding it away in a way-back land– at the same time he voted to abstain.

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To Micro-manage: Verb form indicating intransigence of intent. (a) a cry of “hands-off” in situations totally unwarranted, frequently used by politicians involving macro-policy decisions and general directions where “hands off” should never, ever, be an option; (b) one in a bag of tricks opened at (ill) will by a notorious elected official known for her ineptitude in the art of honest politics, as in “We are not going to micro-manage the master of Whoever-I-Support-over-and-against-you; he is the best we have; he must be allowed to make his own decisions about his re-creation of our world, and the entrance to our fair City.”

Usage note: See To Zeller. The elected official whose name has become associated with the hue and cry of “hands off” has led to a colloquialism, To Zeller, which is to insist on a “hands off” policy as noted in (b) above, but suggests a nastiness of tone, and more dogged insistence, than might otherwise be expected.

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The Local Three-in-One

Three-in-One: compounding noun chosen by humans to describe a concept most confounding.

The Trinity: (a) a union of Father, Son and Holy Ghost in Christian religious belief; also known as God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost; (b) in local politics: an incomprehensible local doctrine based on Mayor the Mother.

There is some dispute among politicians and scholars as to the understanding of the local three-in-one.

It has sometimes been used in reference to (1) Mayor the Mother, Mayor the Brammerson, and Mayor the Holy Joyce; at other times it has been used in reference to (2) Mayor the Mother, Mayor the Weaverson, and Mayor the Holy Clerk.

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Howler Monkey (Alouatta Alouattinae). (a) New World monkey living most typically in small groups of 5 to 8. Noise forms an important part of their social behavior. Their name comes from a distinctive loud barking whoop they make which can be heard over considerable distances. The male’s voice sounds rather like a powerful roar; female vocalizations sound like a pig’s grunt. They are “possibly the laziest monkey in the world,” according to the Bristol Zoo Gardens; (b) (Fontis Eurekae) The Eurekae Springs Howler exhibits many of the same traits as the New World monkey but due to a genetic mutation, the Eurekae, both male and female, have a pig grunt which they use to create an awful din whenever they do not get their way. The Eurekae live in one tiny group of 2 to 3 because most people in the area prefer not to be in the same club with what has become known as the lunatic fringe monkey space. They are frequently found howling at City Hall where a kinship group gives them good welcome.

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Crocodile Tears: Transparent noun phrase: a) false or insincere weeping; (b) a hypocritical display of emotions.

Derived from an ancient anecdote that crocodiles weep in order to lure their prey, or that they cry for the victims they are eating.

Our consultant Dr. Fiat Lux informs us that the phrase has been extended to signify a public announcement in place of a private apology in the exercise of devious political prerogatives while rubbing one’s chin in a practiced but essentially meaningless gesture that does not get to the heart of the contrition.

Dr. Lux cites two examples, one from the Mayor of Eureka Springs, AR in her apology at the end of a Council meeting in November, 2007, to those she might have hurt or offended, she said.

The second, Fiat Lux notes, is Lewis Carroll’s poem from Through the Looking Glass, “The Walrus and the Carpenter.” Using the same logic as the Eureka Springs City Attorney, Fiat Lux extrapolates impossibly backwards, attributing to the past an event of the present; noting that Lewis Carroll wrote his poem in 1872, in portrayal of the Eureka Springs’ mayoral action of 2007.

“The Walrus and the Carpenter”

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright –
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done –
‘It’s very rude of him.’ she said,
‘To come and spoil the fun!’

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead –
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand:
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
‘If this were only cleared away,’
They said, ‘it would be grand.’

‘If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose,’ the Walrus said,
‘That they could get it clear?’
‘l doubt it,’ said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

‘O Oysters, come and walk with us!
The Walrus did beseech.
‘A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.’

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head –
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

Out four young Oysters hurried up.
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat –
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn’t any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more –
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

‘The time has come,’ the Walrus said,
‘To talk of many things:
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing wax –
Of cabbages — and kings –
And why the sea is boiling hot –
And whether pigs have wings.’

‘But wait a bit,’ the Oysters cried,
‘Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!’
‘No hurry!’ said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

‘A loaf of bread,’ the Walrus said,
‘Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed –
Now, if you’re ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.’

‘But not on us!’ the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
‘After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!’
‘The night is fine,’ the Walrus said,
‘Do you admire the view?’

‘It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!’
The Carpenter said nothing but
‘Cut us another slice-
I wish you were not quite so deaf-
I’ve had to ask you twice!’

‘It seems a shame,’ the Walrus said,
‘To play them such a trick.
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!’
The Carpenter said nothing but
‘The butter’s spread too thick!’

‘I weep for you,’the Walrus said:
‘I deeply sympathize.’
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

‘O Oysters,’ said the Carpenter,
‘You’ve had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?’
But answer came there none –
And this was scarcely odd, because
They’d eaten every one.

Bad, Fiat Lux! Bad!

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What the people want: noun phrase, of dubious distinction. (a) The cry of scoundrels seeking to foist their narrow-minded self-interest upon others; usually issued in the face of an intelligent assessment of a situation in order to defeat the nasty intelligent scum by an implausible and unrecognized definition of democracy; (b) mob rule hoisted upon those content to think they can live in peace; (c) in public testimony, a majority of impossible proportion, as in, “95% of the people of this town are for what I want, not the rest, however many that may be.”

Synonym: Voice of the people.

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Compromise: see-through noun. (a) a veneer of hope thrown over a duplicity of intent, as in “Let’s compromise– my way, not your way;” (b) among politicians, the art of dividing a piece of cake so your opponents think they have the bigger piece, which is actually the smaller piece; (c) among bullies and other untractables, taking the entire cake and pretending to offer a big piece of it even while throwing it on those you can’t control, blaming the smear on them.

As used in the fashion industry: “a compromise is a sellout dressed in a scintillating affair, dahling.”

Admirably used by James Russell Lowell in a political context, “Compromise makes a good umbrella, but a poor roof; it is temporary expedient, often wise in party politics, almost sure to be unwise in statesmanship.”

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